Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you.
All the body wants to do biologically is decompose. Once you die, it’s, ‘Let me out here! I’m ready to shoot my atoms back into the universe!’
There is a pleasure in being mad which none but madmen know.
Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.
Too clever is dumb.
I have an idea that the phrase ‘weaker sex’ was coined by some woman to disarm the man she was preparing to overwhelm.
God never made His work for man to mend.
Remorse is a violent dyspepsia of the mind.
Go miser go, for money sell your soul. Trade wares for wares and trudge from pole to pole, So others may say when you are dead and gone. See what a vast estate he left his son.
Accepting your own mortality is like eating your vegetables: You may not want to do it, but it’s good for you.